Shrimp: The Lying Won't Get Laid!

 

Dear Men who lie about your height on online dating profiles,

 

Don't look around, you know who you are. You're that guy who posts you're 5'7 on your online profile when in reality, you're anywhere from 5'3 to 5'5.

 

For some reason you think writing 5'7 will be acceptable (which it is but only if that's really your height!) and that perhaps:

a.) you'll experience a growth spurt before your date and actually hit said height

b.) the woman will be so clueless she won't notice your missing inches

c.) we'll always be sitting down, or ahem, lying down for that matter, so we won't know you're Frodo without the blingy ring.

 

Perhaps one or all of the above? So, umm, how's that been working for you so far? How's it feel to lure us on dates only for us to get there and think, wait, where's the rest of him?

 

Now look, at 5'3, 5'4 at best when I rock my big Bollywood-Nashville hair, I'm hardly one who has has the "right" to turn my nose up at fellow shorties, male or female. Since as long back as I can remember, my older sister called and still calls me chinguree ("shrimp" in Odiya) because of my short stature. So yes, in theory, I should be OK with taller-than-me men, who, let's face it, are THE majority of men.

 

But no, on my wish list, I prefer my men not just taller, but tall. Maybe I have a secret desire to feel protected (yes, I know, icky). Maybe I'd like a man who can get stuff down for me from the top-most shelf in my kitchen without a step ladder (they're quite cumbersome to store in New York apartments, yes? I mean a ladder, not a man.) Maybe its because my people come from a country that doesn't particularly excel at creating tall people, hence the allure. Oh, I dunno. And you're not clueless. You know that a lot of women are attracted to tall men so perhaps you're thinking hmm, I can't stretch myself, so I'll stretch the truth online.

But dude, I won't speak for every woman, but for many, these are preferences, not deal breakers. It's like your preference for your date to look like Miranda Kerr. Would you desire that? HELL YEAH. But what your date lacks in Miranda Kerriness, just like you lack in height, can be made up in charm, in humor, in compassion, in being educated, in being soulful, in having goals. In being, here's a thought, truthful. Personality still goes a long way in this day and age, trust me.

 

You see, the deal breaker isn't that you're short. The deal breaker is you lied and about something that, durrr, we're gonna find out/notice. Give us credit and, give your personality (if in fact you have a good one) more credit, not your height more inches.

 

(Side note: While we're on the subject of inches, its just never wise to lie about it pertaining to anything across the board. Buyer's remorse sucks.)

 

Now look, I have faith that you're gonna stop polluting the e-waves with your false advertising. So you get back online and put your real height. You know what, while you're at it, tell us if you're really married, really have kids/baby mama-drama, if you still live with your parents, and dude, most importantly, if you really read AND loved the Alchemist as much as you claim (this is something both you and your taller counterparts claim which is highly suspect when professed on such a large scale. Did GQ magazine advise you all to do this???).

 

Anyway, bottom line, you don't have to be tall to stand tall.

 

BOOM! You've been educated. Class dismissed!

 

Sincerely,

Woman who does not like men who lie about their height on their online dating profiles

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And honestly, Dear Readers, I have nothing against short men. If I were to play off of past posts, I would say save the shrimp for your curry, obviously insinuating a short man to be a shrimp. But I'm not gonna say that. 

 

What I will say is save the lying shrimp for your curry, which really makes no sense but I'm really trying to do the whole match a recipe to the theme of the post so it all "works" so, yeah....

 

*Crickets chirping.*

 

Here you go, our family recipe for chinguree bhaja tharkari (shrimp-fry curry).

 

Eat, drink, and stand tall no matter what your height.

Live the spicy life!

 









Lying Shrimp Curry

serves 4

 

What you need to throw down:

• 9 ounces white shrimp, cleaned
• 1/2 plus 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 1/2 teaspoon whole cumin seeds
• 2 bay leaves
• 2 green cardamoms, crushed
• 1 cinnamon stick, crushed
• 1 small onion, sliced thin
• 2 teaspoons ginger-garlic paste
• 2 teaspoons ground coriander
• 1/2 small tomato, diced small
• 1/2 cup tap water or unsalted seafood stock
• 1/4 teaspoon garam masala
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro (leaves only)

How to throw down:

1. In mixing bowl, combine shrimp, 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric, and salt and set aside.
2. Heat 1 tablespoon canola oil over high heat in a heavy-bottom pot. Once hot (about 1 minute), add shrimp to pot and saute for only 2 minutes. Remove shrimp from pot, keeping the pot on high heat.
3. Add remaining 1 tablespoon canola oil to pot, followed by cumin seeds, bay leaves, cardamon, and cinnamon. Saute for 2 minutes.
4. Reduce heat to medium. Add onions to pot. Saute until golden brown, or for 5 minutes.
5. Add ginger-garlic paste, ground coriander, and remaining 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric to pot and mix for 2 minutes.
6. Add tomatoes, water/stock, and garam masala. Increase heat to high and simmer for 4  minutes.
7. Reduce heat to medium-high. Add shrimp and cook for 3 more minutes.
8. Remove shrimp curry from heat and transfer to serving dish. Garnish with cilantro.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! Eat ya damn greens!

Small, old, bearded men who enjoy partaking in good-humored mischief, drinking and singing, and storing away their coins in a pot, deep into the countryside. Hmm. Sounds like just about every Indian uncle I know but no, I'm actually talking about Leprechauns, the star of tomorrow's holiday. I did some research on the elf (OK, by research I mean I Wiki'd it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leprechaun), and though the folklore is fascinating, what I found most interesting was the night time avatar or cousin (depending on where you live) of the Leprechaun, the Clurichaun. This jolly lil thing is basically a drunk Leprechaun who goes out and gets piss drunk post work, every night. In other words, every New Yorker I know and perhaps me a coupla years back? (Aunties, if you're reading this, I'm kidding. But not really. I'm sure your Rinku, Tinka, and Tuli have the same story.)

I figure the vast majority of people will be Clurichauns Saturday night with St. Paddy's being celebrated this weekend in classic New York fanfare with the parade and bar/pub specials city-wide. I remember loving this holiday when I was a new New Yorker. Being younger and more invincible then, I thrived on the non-stop debauchery from 10 AM onwards and an excuse to be, er, sartorially liberal (Real Talk: every one knows Halloween is an excuse for women to dress trampy. St. Patrick's Day is an extension of that, the only parameter being that ya ho-gear be green). Ah, slutty leprechauns and drunkards. How I miss partaking in thee splendor.

But not really.

I'll be spending my St. Paddy's day weekend this year by going to see a play, celebrating one of my dearest Friend's birthday by way of karaoke, going to a baby shower, attending a lecture on how to grow plants in a New York apartment, and attending service at the Baha'i center. No, no, no, I don't say this to be like ooh, look at me, I'm so cool simply because I don't care that I'm not cool.

OK. Maybe there's some element of that tucked away in there, else why the need to mention it, right? You got me. 

But more so, I'm tickled with this transition. When did it happen? How did Soni Satpathy go from green beer one year to wanting a green thumb the next? Perhaps, its not growing up so much as growing out to expand, to include more things in life? Or maybe the hunt for the proverbial four-leaf clover and the notion of what it means to "get lucky" is evolving? I dunno. My desire for fortune and what that fortune includes is definitely being redefined and I'm learning long, nocturnal benders, be it on holidays or regular ole weekends, aren't helping me get any closer to that pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow.

Or maybe, just maybe, this evergreen is finally getting old. And I'm gonna own that so much so that I'm gonna get all granny on ya right now and tell you not to wear ya greens, but eat your greens. Keep looking for 'em clovers but in the meantime, lets get those leafy greens in us. I have a tasty lil sago (spinach) recipe for you that takes no time at all to make. Bust out your frozen spinach (nothing wrong with frozen veggies, Loves. All the nutrients are packed in there), thaw it, and let's throw down! Here goes:

Screw the Irish, Luck of the Indian Sago
makes 2 cups; serves 4 to 6 depending on how much greens ya like

What you need to throw down

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 5 garlic pods, sliced thin
• 1/4 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 1/4 teaspoon mustard seeds
• 2 dry red chili, crushed
• 1/2 small onion, sliced thin
• 24 ounces frozen chopped spinach, thawed, extra moisture removed
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt

How to throw down

1. Heat a heavy bottom pot with oil over medium heat.
2. Once hot, add garlic, cumin, mustard, and red chili; saute for 1 to 2 minutes or until garlic slices are golden-brown.
3. Add onions to pot and continue sauteing for 3 minutes. Add spinach, mix, and saute for 7 minutes.
4. Add salt. Remove pot from heat and transfer to serving dish.

BUT WAIT! You still got the Irish on your brain, huh? And when you think Irish, you think potatoes? Well, mind you, Indians know potatoes well, too. We looooove our aloo. Hell, we'll stuff a potato with more potato. So, in homage to our green theme, I have a spinach and potato (Saint) patty recipe that will surely be a crowd pleaser. Again, thaw that spinach and let's get cooking!

Sago Bora (Spinach Patty)

makes 1 dozen patties

What you need to throw down

• a brown paper bag
• 1 large Idaho potato
• 12 ounces frozen chopped spinach, thawed, excess moisture removed
• 1 small onion, small dice
• 2 tablespoons breadcrumbs
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 teaspoons ground roasted cumin
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
• 3 tablespoons canola oil

How to throw down

1. Place potato in brown lunch bag and microwave for 5 minutes. Once cooked, remove the potato from the bag and, using fingers, peel. Smash potato with fork. Reserve.
2. While the potato is in the microwave, mix spinach, onion, breadcrumbs, garlic, cumin, salt, and chili powder in bowl. Add potatoes and thoroughly combine.
3. Take spinach-potato mixture and form twelve balls.
4. You will make these in batches - do NOT overcrowd skillet. Heat skillet with oil over medium to high heat, about 1 minute.
5. Add balls to pan and using a spatula, flatten to make patties (boras). Cook for 6 to 7 minutes over low to medium heat. Flip and continue cooking for another 4 minutes to finish. Remove from heat and continue process with remaining balls.

Enjoy your Saint Patrick's Day Weekend, Loves! Wear your green, eat your greens, get lucky, and check back in with Masala Merrynade on Monday!




 

Keeping my feelings bottled up...in a delicious way!

 

Pregnant Miserable Self Pitying Loser-Pie. Bad Baby-Pie. Naughty Pumpkin-Pie. Fallin' In Love Chocolate Mousse-Pie. These are just some of the colorful pies starring in Adrienne Shelly's wonderfully quirky 2007 dramady Waitress. Background for those of you who have not had the good fortune of watching this film: Keri Russell (swoon) plays Jenna, a waitress in a Podunk town diner who finds herself miserable in a marriage with an overbearing, needy, abusive husband. He impregnates her leaving Jenna resentful of the baby growing inside of her, keeping her further connected to a man she hates. Jenna takes on a lover which punctuates her life with some goodness. However, what she truly finds emotional refuge in is making an eclectic array of pies for the diner and keeping her dream alive to one day open up her own pie shop. She pours herself into her pies, naming each one after something she grapples with or an emotion/thought that plagues her. Some of my favorite pies from the movie are:

 

I DON'T WANT EARL'S BABY-PIE: a quiche with brie cheese and a smoked ham center
I HATE MY HUSBAND-PIE: bittersweet chocolate pudding lavished with cinnamon
BABY SCREAMING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND RUINING MY LIFE-PIE: brandy-brushed New York style cheesecake topped with pecans and nutmeg
EARL MURDERS ME BECAUSE I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR- PIE: blackberries and raspberries smashed into a chocolate crust

There's so many more pies in the movie. Actually there's just so much MORE to this movie in general that I haven't touched on. I'll leave that up to you to watch, something I highly recommend you do, Dear Reader.

I bring this movie up because to varying degrees, I can relate to it, more than I want to blog about right now, yet enough so that I want to use it as a reference point. Before we go further, nosey Aunties and gossip mongers alike, please note, I am not with child! Nor am I particularly in a pie making frenzy (though an eating frenzy is always a given when it comes to pies). However, as I've been experimenting with starting a chutney line and perfecting my Bou's traditional recipes and playing with new flavor profiles, I've taken to chutney as Jenna does pies. Life's events have me in the kitchen constantly blending herbs and spices with fruits and nuts as I grind, blend, and puree my way through emotions. Recent creations include:

IT'S SO HARD TO HEAR THAT MY PARENTS ARE AGING/AILING, I FEEL HELPLESS CHUTNEY: Bou's tomato recipe (found below) but with tomatillos instead.
THE ONLY GREEN MY BROKE ASS WILL EVER SEE IS PROBABLY IN THIS CHUTNEY- CHUTNEY: avocado, cilantro, garlic, tamarind concentrate, agave syrup, and dry roasted cumin and coriander seeds along with green chilies and fresh curry leaves, blended. The ironic thing about this is the end product is more brown than green so, yep, didn't even see green here, go figure.
MY FAMILY IS ALL KINDS OF NUTS/THEY DRAIN ME-CHUTNEY: you guessed it, actual nuts: pecans, almonds, and peanuts, blended with fresh curry leaves, tamarind concentrate, dry roasted coriander and mustard seeds, dry red chili, light brown sugar, and buttermilk, blended.
AH CRAP, I STILL CARE ABOUT HIM A LOT-CHUTNEY: his favorite, pomegranate seeds, fresh mint leaves, green chilies, toasted cardamon pods and cloves, tamarind concentrate, and honey, blended.
DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA BE WHEN I GROW UP/CRAP, I'M ALREADY GROWN-CHUTNEY: my favorite, fresh fennel bulbs and urud dal sauteed in ghee and mixed with toasted coriander and cumin seeds, fresh curry leaves, fresh green chilies, tamarind concentrate, and dark brown sugar, blended.

Oh the list could go and on and it shall, but we can save that for another post OR New Yorkers, you could take one of my chutney classes: http://sdtr.co/YZ3bYD. Hooray for shameless plugs! For now, I'll give you a blueprint for making herb-based chutneys. I will tell you what I tell my friends: it does not take a lot of time or money (or Jenna-like angst) to make a cup or two of truly fresh, tickle-your-taste-buds chutney. Herb-based chutneys are the easiest and quickest to make as there's no cooking. You just need a blender and you're set.

Don't use old or blemished herbs for your chutneys, thinking that blending it will mask a lack of freshness or make good use of lifeless herbs. The fresher the herbs, the more sprightly the taste and brighter the color.

If you want to make the ever popular mint chutney (same recipe for cilantro), use two bunches, leaves only, and place in the blender. To that, I add 3 tablespoons tamarind concentrate, 2 tablespoons sugar, 4 green chilies (reduce to 2 or 3 if you're getting your kicks elsewhere in life), 3 teaspoons salt, and a little water to get my blender going and viola! I have 1.5 to 2 cups of fresh chutney!

I always have this on hand. I dip my veggies in it and even merrynade shrimp, chicken, or pork in it and bake for a meal full of zing. My favorite chutney is using basil instead of mint in this same recipe along with freshly grated lemon zest. As a snack, I'll drizzle it on rounds of tomato and fresh mozzarella. Or I'll use these chutneys as salad dressings. Gone are the days where chutneys are only paired with Indian fritters or dosas. There are numerous ways to use chutney! If you want to experiment with different flavors and combos, I recommend you start with a very basic base. Go to your closest Asian market and stock up on fresh curry leaves, tamarind concentrate, green chilies, salt, and sugar and BOOM! Be creative and blend with it what you want, be it green mango, tomatillos, pears, apples, papaya, or whatever is in season or available and you'll have yourself something yummy in no time! You'll never want to buy those lame ass jars of lackluster chutneys found in your local supermarket after you see how quick and easy it is to make a fresh batch at home.

Experimenting with new flavors and perfecting traditional chutneys have made for interesting times for me. It seems all those thoughts crowding my head now crowd the fridge in mason jars, with an array of colorful chutneys staring back at me. Some of them will surely be added to my chutney repertoire. Other chutneys were simply edible journal entries. No matter what flavors I find myself exploring, I seem to always go back to my Bou's tomato chutney. Its comfort food for me. Actually, its not only comfort food, but comfort cooking. I not only enjoy eating it, but I get pleasure in making it and sharing it with my loved ones.

I love the aromas that rise into the air, the sumptuousness of chili, cumin, and mustard filling up my lungs. I love toasting the dal. I love frying the tomatoes and watching the skin darken in anticipation of being mixed with tamarind. All of this reminds me of home and of Bou, of good memories and, as dramatic folk say, "of better times." This is the chutney she is famed for. This is the chutney that will have my daddy and I eating spoonfuls in competition with one another, while Bou yells that eating too much, too fast will surely leave our bellies aching. Secretly she loves it though. She loves that we can't get enough. This is the chutney that I know I'll never be able to fully recreate to taste like Bou's yet, it no longer bugs me because I love that she has a culinary alchemy that I strive to one day possess. There's something oddly, deliciously comforting about that.

I want to share it with you because something this good and jammed with love and tradition should be shared and spread, literally and figuratively. It's not an easy chutney like the herb ones in the sense that its not a blend and go kinda thang. Her tomato chutney is one that takes a little more time. The process has steps, but steps well worth taking if it means having jars of goodness ready for the taking.

So without further ado, here you go, Loves!

BOU'S TOMATO CHUTNEY

Yield = 2 cups

What you need to throw down

• 5 tablespoons canola oil
• 4 tomatoes, halved
• 1/4  cup chana dal
• 1 tablespoon cumin seeds
• 1 tablespoon mustard seeds
• 4 dry red chili
• ½ teaspoon asafoetida powder
• 5 big sprigs curry leaves
• 1 ½  tablespoons tamarind concentrate
• 1 ½  teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 ½  teaspoons kosher salt
• 1/4 cup tap water

How to throw down

1. Heat 4 tablespoons oil in a pan over high heat.  Allow oil to heat at least 2 minutes. Reduce heat to medium and add tomato halves to pan.
2. Return heat to high and cook tomatoes. Fry for 10 minutes, flipping halfway through.  Remove tomatoes from heat. Reserve in bowl.
3. Heat remaining 1 tablespoon oil in small, heavy bottom pot over medium heat. Add chana dal, cumin seeds, mustard seeds, dry red chili, asafoetida powder, and curry leaves. Saute for 2 minutes.
4. Remove dal and spices from heat and transfer to separate bowl. Reserve.
5. The cooked tomatoes will sweat juice. Do NOT discard. Add tomato juice, along with tamarind concentrate, sugar, and salt to dal-spice mixture. Set aside.
6. Puree tomatoes in blender. Once pureed, add dal-spice-juice mixture along with water to blender. Puree until smooth.
7. Store chutney in air tight container or glass jar. Keeps in fridge for up to 2 weeks. I find that this chutney taste best a day or two after I've made it.

Tune in for more chutney recipes in the coming weeks. Eat, drink, and MAKE CHUTNEY!

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?

Sometimes we live the spicy life but not neccessarily the smart life. Enter my girlfriend. After a night of living the SUPER spicy life, and without taking any precautinionary measures to make sure her, umm, meats wouldn't merrynade, homegirl found herself in a sticky situation the next morning.  She realized she may have made a baby, one she wasn't ready to make, but had forgotten in the heat of the moment. She quickly found herself at a pharmacy buying the Plan B pill, or morning-after pill. She could undo the repercussions of her hastiness from the night before with one single dose.

When she told me what happened and how and why she decided to take the pill, the conversation got all kinds of wheels and cogs turning in my head. I imagined her as Neo in the Matrix and having to choose between the red or blue pill. A bit of a stretch here but, in some sense, the morning after pill seems to be the red and blue pill all in one. Even before taking it, you have to ask ultimately, what illusions and realities are worth pursuing.? Now I'll leave you, dear audience, to debate the moral implications of the morning-after pill. Perhaps such a debate will serve as fodder for this Sunday's brunch (dear lord, how I love to pretend that my blog warrants such attention or buzz!). However, my interest with the subject does not spring from any moral angle. Rather, it got me thinking about choices and plans, and the notion of a Plan B in Life.

Sometimes we make choices and decisions in haste or we exercise poor judgement. How many times have we mucked up in life, wishing we could rewind time and undo unsound actions? I'm not only talking about nights of debauchery and wantonness, but Life choices, you know, the big stuff. Maybe it was taking the wrong job, buying the wrong house, marrying the wrong person, or making a poor investment, whether that be in the wrong thing, person, or situation. What if we had a lil pill we could pop which would BLOOP! magically negate not exercising more common sense and we could, in a sense, start afresh? The Plan B pill is almost a time travel of sorts. You digest it  and, although you can't change certain courses of action, you can change the repercussions of these actions.

This further lead me take a look at my own actions and decisions in life, and more so, any regrets. And the realization I stumbled upon both surprised and pleased me.

Don't get me wrong, there are poor decisions I've made, like questionable choices in hair styles (I went through this phase where I was super feisty and wanted to, literally, look like fire. Looking back, I wish some of my friends would have tried and put out that fire. Red and orange hair on a brown girl is not cute. Not on THIS brown girl anyway), shady romantic entanglements (in my last post I mentioned I'm the douche bag whisperer. Might I add I'm also the married man whisperer. Hmm. Are the two one in the same?) and poor choices in who I surround myself with ( Hi, you know who you are,  kindly return the money you stole from me, woman. Thanks!)

However, with the big things I can't say I regret much, even the times that I've been earth shatteringly screwed over or profoundly hurt. I wouldn't take it back for the world because that's me, I live and love my way, even when I'm told somethings amiss. I have to live things through and come to conclusions by my own experience, though at times I hear in harmony the I told-you-so's from family and friends.

I'm hard-headed and perhaps too soft-hearted but I tell you, my gut, Goldilocks style, is JUST RIGHT. I've finally gotten a bit better at knowing which instincts to follow. And so I pursue things to the point where there's no return. In doing so, I've never thought what could have been because I experience what actually IS, the good, the bad, and the flat-out fugly. And all the plans that didn't come to fruition, well, I can't begin to catalogue those for you. Does it mean I no longer plan? Hell no. It just means that even without a little pill, I've rolled with certain punches. I think in the grand scheme of things in LIFE  I am on, say, plan H with all the alternates I've had to create when things with family, health, career and love didn't pan out like I once thought it would. Whats that saying? Something like life is what happens when you're busy making other plans? Yeah, no joke.

So I guess this post is a bit of a love note to myself. Self, you're not as bad off as ya think! The no regrets realization has me thinking that maybe, just maybe, dare I say, I'm doing something right*? Oh how the mind delightfully boggles at such a realization!

What about you? If you could pop a pill and change certian outcomes, what would YOU change?

While you mull that one over, I'm gonna share a recipe with you that I have for Anda tharkari (egg curry). We'll loop this back to how we started: pregnancy. Ladies, sometimes ya want your eggs fertilized. Sometimes you don't. Me? My mind may change in the future, but for now, I only want my eggs boiled and in a tharkari, thank you very much.

Be smart. Be safe. Live the spicy life, Loves!

I DON'T WANT MY EGGS FERTILIZED ANDA THARKARI
serves 4

Ingredients
8 large soft boiled eggs
4 tablespoons vegetable oil
one small onion, diced small
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/2 tablespoon freshly minced garlic
1/2 tablespoon freshly minced ginger
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 small tomato, diced small
1 teaspoon garam masala
2 cups tap water
1 tablespoon tomato puree
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro leaves
1/2 teaspoon ghee (clarified butter)

HOW TO THROW DOWN

1. Heat 2 tablespoons oil over high heat in a heavy bottom pot.
2. Add boiled eggs and saute gently, taking care not to break them. Saute for 4 minutes. Remove eggs from pot.
3. Add remaining 2 tablespoons oil to pot. Add onions and fry until transluscent or for 3 to 4 minutes
4. Reduce heat to medium. Add turmeric, garlic, ginger, cumin, coriander, and salt. Cook with onions for 2 minutes.
5. Add tomato. Cook for 3 minutes.
6. Add garam masala and continue to cook for 2 minutes. In the meantime, cut reserved eggs vertically. Add to pot and cook for 3 to 4 minutes.
7. Add water and tomato puree and increase heat to high. Cook for 6 to 7 minutes.
8. Turn off heat. Add cilantro and swirl in ghee. Remove from heat and transfer to serving dish.

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DISCLAIMER: *This does not preclude me from writing about regrets in the future. But for now, I'm OK with taking ownership for all life decisions, shady or otherwise.

Experience masala merriment in person!

Loves, this is an exciting time for me as I've been given the opportunity, through a creative company by the name of Side Tour, to share my cooking and recipes with you all in person, in Astoria, Manhattan, and starting later this month, in Philadelphia!

I'm offering culinary experiences that range from the traditional (Pass the chinguree bhaja!) to strangely delicious and non-traditional (your Silu Auntie can't make you no Spam tharkari) and everything in between (goat cheese and tomato-tamarind chutney just makes sense).

The few classes I've hosted so far have spoiled me. I've met some truly warm and insightful souls in the process which have lead to unique friendships proving once more what a powerful medium cooking and eating together can be in connecting people, whether its for the duration of the class or long thereafter.

These experiences are given on numerous dates in different locations so make sure you sign up for the right date and place. Whether you come alone or bring a friend, you'll be promised a humorously flavor-packed night or your money back guaranteed!

I lie. I'll still keep your money but I swear you won't want it back anyway!

Sign up to day and LIVE THE SPICY LIFE!

Looking for something traditional yet unheard of when it comes to Indian cuisine? Go to http://sdtr.co/15ofiAg

Curious to know how to use Spam in commonly cooked Indian dishes (I'm sure like me, you stay awake at night thinking about it)? Click on http://sdtr.co/15ofzTT

Want to learn how to pair Indian chutneys with non-Indian foods such as cheese and meats? Then visit http://sdtr.co/YZ3bYD

 

FAKE IT AND MAKE IT: a recipe for an outter glow until you get the inner

 

Only 6 posts into my blog, and weeks went by without any new entries.

I'll be honest, I had a bad bout of blogstipation. I tried and tried to push out a blog post. Lord knows I have material galore! But nothing. The process of going from thoughts to words to writing were overcrowded with other things.

For instance, in seriously pursuing a particular business plan (researching and connecting with people in the know), I realized that if I keep doing what I'm doing, I could have my business up and running by age 50 and be financially secure at the tender age of 78. Awesome. Attempts to make my writing into something more professional were thwarted due to some not so pleasant rejections leaving a rancid taste of self doubt in my mouth. I'm seriously considering moving abroad again to pursue certain career goals (surprise family and friends! This is my way of telling you! Roomie, if you're reading this, I promise I won't break the lease.) but, entertaining such thoughts bring a host of challenges that make for serious, nail-biting considerations.

And then there's Love. My life resembles outtakes from Sex and the City (minus the Cosmos, Manolo Blahniks, and phat apartments) in which bad first dates (we're talking crazy bad of epic proportions here people) and emotionally charged interactions with an ex seem almost commonplace. I did NOT take my own advice. I did not save the chicken for my curry, friends.

My life was beginning to read like a crafty suspense novel when it came to pursuing better health i.e.working out and eating mindfully. Ooooh, will I stay on track today or will I eat my emotions? Riveting suspense! I'm at the edge of my seat as to what or who I'll do next to derail me from my goals! Hooray!

Not cute.

It's like Eat, Pray, Love without the praying and loving. And Eat, Eat, Eat would not, I suspect, make for a best seller. So, what to do?

Get back up. At this age I know that a week without workouts, a rejection letter, or a date with crazy eyes isn't a precursor for a shitty life. We all, as men, as women, as lovers, as searchers, as workers, and dreamers deal with the themes of pursuit when it comes to career, and healthy relationships, be it with others or with or own selves. Nothing I'm saying hasn't been mulled over before by millions of others. So what the hell am I blogging about then you're wondering, right? Well, I tell you, some people just look and feel better while doing all this mulling. Me? A hot mess!

My face just doesn't bounce back from thinking about all these things like it use to. Late nights, heartache, and sleep deprivation seem a wee more challenging to simply wash away or patch up with makeup. And whereas I use to only wear my heart on my sleeve, now I wear it, along with my head and my gut, on my face. Fretting over my parent's deteriorating health? Oh! Why, hello, creases in my forehead! Will I ever be a published cookbook writer? Make yourself at home, precious lil crow's feet!  Will I always be the perennial douche bag whisperer when it comes to men? Grab some chai and make yourself at home, stupid lil lines around my mouth! The guest list on my face grows.

The cool part of me wants to say, hey Self, rock this shit. As a compassionate, thoughtful, fearless woman, I should welcome these little creases and lines because they are, after all, beginning to tell the story of a very robust life, one that continues to be more and more full. But the vain part of me misses my bright eyes, misses having the ability to experience x, y, z and not have my face read like the morning paper for what I did or thought about the night before.

And then, as I looked over personal rituals,  I had my ah-ha moment. Its not necessarily an age thing, as much as its a I-need-to-take better care of myself thing. I use to take the time to do homemade facials at least once a week as a way of pampering myself. This mask would leave a residual glow on my face that even knocking boots can't quite bring. And although I swear by it to girlfriends, I've pretty much stopped doing it to myself altogether. When did this happen? When did I forget to do the little things and when did I only stop to lament over the big things?

I don't remember that transitional moment. Nor do I wanna spend much time figuring that out. So screw you, Existential Crisis. My new plan? Fake and make it! That's right. If I can't get a glow from Life I'm gonna simulate one from ingredients commonly found in my kitchen. Its worked before and it'll work again. You look good, ya feel good. Duuurrrr.

All you need is two ingredients: yogurt and ground turmeric.

The beautiful thing about this mask is that you could marinate your face (dare I say, merrynade?) while you marinate your chicken or fish or whatever protein. No, I'm serious. I haven't gone off the deep end (yet). This really works! I haven't shared enough recipes with you yet for you to see this theme but typically I, as many Indian cooks, marinate our proteins with yogurt (or sometimes buttermilk or sour cream) and turmeric as a way of tenderizing our meats. I'm not going to explain why simply because I don't "do" science. I can't tell you how the enzymes break down and blah, blah, blah. I just know that they do. My Bou (mommy) does this as did her Bou and all the forebous before. It just works, OK?

And just as turmeric imparts that beautiful golden hue to your curries, it also does so to your face. No. You will not walk around with your face looking like gobi aloo bhaja, I promise, and that's because your dairy should outweigh the amount of turmeric you use. What I'm sharing with you are two very traditional Indian practices. Just as yogurt and turmeric are used as a common culinary practice to tenderize meat, this same combination has been used for centuries for beauty and health purposes in getting rid of impurities, inflammation, acne, and age spots that may afflict skin*.

FACE MERRYNADE
serves one stressed out face

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup yogurt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric

How to throw down
1. Combine yogurt with turmeric thoroughly. Slather on face and neck. Leave on for 15 to 20 minutes or until the mask cracks when you try to smile.

2. Gently wash off with warm water followed by a rinse with cold water. Pat dry and smile. Friggin fake that cheesiness until you feel it!

 

And please, DON'T marinate your chicken with this and then use the residual marinade for your face. I said you could do this WHILE you're merrynading your proteins meaning mix up a batch of yogurt-turmeric, and throw some on ya chicken then throw some on ya face. At no time did I ever say take the merrynade OFF ya chicken, and give your face a rub down. I'm not saying this to be funny. People have asked me if they could do that. No, no, NO!! There's being frugal and then there's just being straight nasty. Don't be the latter!

 

So back to where I started. With weekly facials back in rotation and a fake glow to tide me over until I get my real, inner one, what you ask, am I gonna do in the interim? 

 

I'm gonna continue doing what I've been doing: scheming, planning, plotting, and preparing for not only a brighter face but a brighter future while continuing to eat, pray, and love the ish out of the present. Easier said than done, I know, but what are our choices? To not pursue happiness? To give up on being the best versions of ourselves? Unacceptable!

 

And so along with all that eating, drinking, and merry making, I'll keep on trying, and applying, and submitting to jobs and publications, to the search for real love, to the allure of a life of passion and travel and essentially, remaining open to experiences and people. I'm sure I'll fall off the wagon at times but I'll keep climbing back on with merrynade on my face.

 

I share this with you, dear reader, not because I buy into what I just wrote 100 percent of the time. I figure if I write these words for the world (or umm, the one follower of my blog) to read and for myself to revisit then I'll be more apt to keep myself accountable to pursuing nothing less than a kick-ass life. And then, when my face really starts to get marred by lines and wrinkles, they'll at least be souvenirs of a life well lived.

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*I must confess that I have no idea how this mask works on white people. I know that it brings about a glow on other Asians and women of color with no danger of the small amount of turmeric staining the face. But, I'm gonna go on a limb here and guess that the turmeric may stain my sisters with not as much pigment. I dunno. You can try. But don't sue me if you're taking my beauty advice and you look more Marge than Jessica Simpson. I wish this home remedy was more all-inclusive, really!